Love Is Real
What Cupid and cute legs taught me about love
When the man who would be my future husband walked through my kitchen to get a glass of water, suddenly I noticed, wow, he has cute, muscular legs.
Granted, I had known this man a few years, considered him a friend, and saw him daily as the renter of my garage for his silk-screening business. So, it was odd to suddenly notice legs I had seen dozens, if not hundreds of times. Shocked the hell out of me, actually.
I chose to ignore the feeling that surged through my heart, thinking it was just indigestion. Or maybe horniness.
To make a long story short, a week later we discovered that we had experienced that intense heart sensation simultaneously. Like Cupid’s bow hitting us at the exact same time.
We were both flabbergasted, so it didn’t take long to trust the insistent (and very wise) Cupid.
One week later, I share my rather amazing story this close to Valentines Day to tell you what I’ve learned about real love. This may sound simplistic, but I learned that only love is real (thank you John Lennon).we stated the “I love you” sentence. And the “M” word appeared shortly after that.
Ignoring the advice and well-meaning concern of friends and family, we got married four weeks later. This coming December we will celebrate our 40th anniversary, proving that Cupid’s aim was accurate.
Having a relatively long history of wrong choices in relationships, choosing Michael, or rather, Cupid choosing Michael for me, was the best choice I’ve ever made.
How I Learned About Real Love
I shared my rather amazing story this close to Valentines Day to tell you what I’ve learned about real love. This may sound simplistic, but I learned that only love is real (thank you John Lennon).
The Cupid instigated romantasy about Michael’s legs wore off soon after we got married. Living together, he became an expert at pushing any and all of my buttons. He’s always late; I’m always early. He’s always silly; I’m always serious. He’s always messy; I’m a kind of a neat freak. The list is long.
Luckily, I teach in my Perfect Life Awakening program that buttons are simply fears being triggered.
More importantly, buttons accurately show mirrors of something we (in this case, I) don’t want to see or admit about ourselves.
I know. Yuck.
So, my wonderful, perfect husband became my best (and full-time) mirror, reflecting hidden parts of me in ways that no one else could. Lovingly, he facilitated me to finally confront every inch of my well-camouflaged denial. Like all the anger I was suppressing. The guilt I was carrying. The sadness I hadn’t felt and released. The fear that controlled my every move.
Most importantly, he exposed how terrified I was to receive and deserve love. That was the toughest.
It wasn’t fun, but doing it with a partner I loved, and who loved me, was a privilege.
It taught me what true commitment means – not running, fighting, arguing or judging when someone is simply reflecting what you are suppressing.
The Arrival of the Hulk
There was this time Michael got boiling angry about something I judged as silly (I don’t even remember what it was). Suddenly, this kind, loving and rational man turned into a modified version of the Hulk, punching a wall, and threatening to storm out the door.
Putting on my wise Spiritual Teacher persona, I tried to gently talk to him about his button. Calmly and with an overly sympathetic demeanor, I reminded him that he was just in a button. Truthfully, I was trying to tell him that he shouldn’t feel that way, that his anger was way too extreme and he was being totally ridiculous.
In other words, I was judging his anger as well as him.
Soon, it escalated even further as he angrily explained that it wasn’t a button but rather it was from me being an inconsiderate bitch. At that point, had he been one of my students, I could have easily and with full authority explained the mechanics of mirroring. However, doing so with my husband (AKA my mirror) only exacerbated his anger along with my growing frustration.
Then, self-judgments took over. I heard myself thinking Royce, you are a total failure if even your own husband doesn’t get it about mirroring.
Right then, TG, my teachings kicked in and I saw what I was doing. I stopped mid-stream and silently asked myself what this man was mirroring.
It didn’t take long to see that he was showing me how suppressed my own anger was and always had been. Digging deep, I remembered an incident as a small child where I had judged myself for expressing anger and had been suppressing it ever since.
What a wake-up call!
And the best part was, once I remembered, neutralized, and resolved the origin of that self-judgment, Michael didn’t need to be my suppressed anger mirror anymore. No more Hulk. No more holes in walls. No more getting lectures from me about his anger. No more trying to get him to change.
Seeing mirrors is like having a superpower in your back pocket.
Strange Notions about Love
I share this story to shed light on the beliefs about love and relationships most of us have, thanks to Hollywood and often our parents’ examples.
We think that love means walking arm-and-arm off into the sunset, agreeing on everything and living in a constant state of bliss as we stare dreamily into each other’s eyes (or cute legs as the case may be). When that fantasy gets shaken, we leave in a huff or spend years struggling to get them to change.
Truth is, our Higher Consciousness (and Cupid) has us choose partners that are going to be our best, perfect mirrors. We may resist (Read: Fight like hell) seeing those reflections, but keep in mind that it’s their assigned job to keep shoving them in our face until we do.
If we spent as much time practicing self-reflection to see those mirrors (pardon the pun), not only would our buttons cease, but we would evolve exponentially. All our relationships would be elevated, and our entire lives would shift.
Imagine if everyone took the time to look at relationships like that-- divorce rates would plummet; fights would cease; blame would end; love would be real. And yes, I honestly believe there would be peace on earth.
So, this V-Day, rather than a box of chocolates and a sappy card, give your partner and yourself the gift of understanding mirrors.
Helpful Mirror Formula
Here’s the precise, always accurate way to tell that someone is your mirror: If a button is pushed there’s a mirror to see. And, nope, there are no exceptions. Sorry, not sorry.
Once you master that awareness, be a shining example of applying it. You can choose to look at it by yourself, or as a couple.
If you to do it in partnership, don’t insist that they look at their mirrors since that never works. Remember, when you are pointing a finger at someone there are three pointing back at you.
Rather, when your button is pushed, talk through the process of discovering your mirrors as a demonstration/example they will learn from. Often, mirrors show up as magnifications just to make sure you see them!
Here’s a handy script (just fill in the blanks):
“So, when you ___(said, did, didn’t do, etc.)___, I noticed I was angry/upset/triggered, etc. So, I looked within and saw that you are showing me a mirror of my own ____(fill in the blank)____ that I’ve judged and have been suppressing and denying for a long time. Thank you for showing that to me! I just didn’t want to see that part of myself because I’m afraid of it and had covered it up for so long. WOW, I feel so much love toward myself now… and you!”
(Warning: Don’t say things like “When you were being a jerk it showed me the jerky part of myself!)
Here’s the moral of the story: Only love is real when you are real.
Oh, and cute legs and Cupid are sure powerful!
_________________________________________________________________
Ready to discover mirrors and neutralize their subconscious origins? My Perfect Life Awakening program is life-shifting inner work that transforms you from fear to love. PLA offers profound spiritual concepts, providing tools to make them applicable in day-to-day life. The ten-week small group classes -- “From Self-Sabotage to Empowerment” -- are done remotely. I also offer private inner journey sessions using my time-tested, powerful, empowering clearing technique. If you’re tired of the struggle, want to connect with who you really are, and awaken to your true purpose, reach out at Royce@RoyceMorales.com