IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME

The zig-zaggy road of soul mates

Before e-harmony became the standard way to meet potential matches, the dating scene was a rough road for me. Without the ability to pre-qualify and swipe right (or is it left?), everyone I became involved with would soon drive me crazy.  Just as frequently, I would drive them crazy and they would vanish, or as they now call it, ghost me. I would be left sniveling, broken hearted, confused, hopeless.

No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I could never get a relationship to work. Even with those I had lots in common with. Even with those who claimed to be committed. Even those who I became exactly how they wanted me to be.

Looking back on those years, a universal spiritual truth was trying to reveal itself to me, something I was clueless about at the time: We attract what we are. 

Once I started my inner delving, although it was difficult to admit, I realized that every failed relationship was reflecting an aspect of myself that I didn’t want to see. Each man I dated was showing me something I was suppressing, avoiding, in denial of.

Like, the man that was alcoholic was showing me my addiction to obsessively keeping my house clean. The man who only wanted me for my body was showing me how afraid I was to have a deep, spiritual connection. The man who cheated on his girlfriend to be with me was showing me how I had cheated on my first husband.

Get the drift?

Looking back, the crazier they drove me, the bigger the mirror they presented.

No matter how much I whined and protested, that always accurate truth kept reminding me that mirrors never lie. I was attracting what I am or was and hadn’t resolved.

ADDING FUEL TO THE FIRE

Then, I learned about the concept of soul mates. Although I wasn’t sure what that meant or how I would identify him, I began a quest to discover the enigmatic man who would somehow change my life.

In those days, I really believed that I wasn’t enough and needed someone to make me happy. I didn’t feel powerful to change my own life, needing someone to be the yin to my yang, balance me, complete me, prove I was acceptable and lovable.

Then, He arrived. Every part of me knew he was The One.

The only problem was, I was already married. Extremely happily married, I might add. And very committed to living a truthful life of integrity. Would never consider cheating on my wonderful husband.

My cognizance brought total confusion, but I also couldn’t deny it such a powerful message. I knew there was something important about this connection, and that loud inner voice encouraged exploring it, promising there were Big Reasons to do so.

Simultaneously, that voice insisted that I was not supposed to be with him romantically. “This is a spiritual connection only,” it stipulated.  

Although I accepted that wisdom, I couldn’t deny my intense attraction. I thought that maybe confessing this attraction to him, as well as to my husband, might alleviate it. So, I took a deep breath and told them both.

Having it out in the open helped, so he and I arranged to get together and explore what was going on spiritually.

JOURNEY OF UNWINDING

It didn’t take long for me to realize that my romanticized notion about soul mates was Hollywood-esque. No walking arm-in-arm off into the sunset, music fading, credits rolling.

Instead, I learned that they are often huge magnification mirrors, helping us evolve by using the toughest of tough love. AKA kicking us in the butt until we get it our denial.

This amazing man shined a spotlight on my lack of self-esteem. He revealed how difficult it was for me to be authentic. He exposed my deepest fears, my disowned shadowed parts.

Most importantly, he was an accurate reflection of the toxic relationship I had with myself. I had no idea who I truly was yet expected him to love me and make me feel loved.

The final gift he delivered was understanding my pursuit for a soul mate was a pointless, futile attempt to fill in my missing pieces. I needed him to be the yin to my yang.

It became obvious that what I needed to do was reclaim my denied parts, stop being at war with myself and be the yin to my own yang.

This man and I went on a winding, oft-times tortuous journey of awakening together. What unfolded was self-acceptance and acceptance of our soul-level relationship. In the form it was meant to take: Spiritual.

This adventure opened the door for me to know I deserved real love. Love in a physical form. Love in my marriage.

The universe had already provided someone who reflected my wholeness, not my darkness, but I couldn’t even see it. By belonging to myself I could be with someone equally committed to our relationship. No longer running from my shadows, I could stand in the light of acceptance. Of myself and of my husband.

This process took as long as I needed it to. In retrospect, I wasn’t ready to be wholly with my husband a moment sooner. But, once I was, it sparked a rebirth between us. And it’s been that way ever since.

I thank the universe every day for knowing how to deliver backhanded, uncomfortable, lessons, awakening me to receive who I deserve – me!

And to remind me once again that mirrors never lie. They might be the most uncomfortable reflections you would never want to see, but when you do, the universe applauds wildly and says, here you go – authentic love.

____________________________________________________________________________

(To read all the details about my fascinating adventure of discovering what soul mate love is really about, buy my book “Want: True love, past lives and other complications on Amazon.) Interested in my spiritually based program, Perfect Life Awakening? Read “Know: A Spiritual Wake-up Call” on Amazon.

Do your relationship mirrors need some spiritual windex? Reach out to Royce and get started on your evolutionary inner journey from fear to love in Perfect Life Awakening.

Watch Royce’s podcast on OM Times Media, livestreaming every Wednesday at 9:00 a.m. PT or linked on You Tube.