IS AGE REALLY JUST A NUMBER?

THE PRESENT OF PRESENCE

Almost everyone in my family has a birthday in January with mine the start of the roster. As per usual, no parties happened; just some brief happy birthday texts and an abundance of email ads offering discounts just for me on my “special” day.

It’s astonishing how focused our society is on age, even assigning monikers to each generation. The amount of ageism in our youth-obsessed country permeates everything. Age is the first thing mentioned when someone does something newsworthy. We sigh if someone leaves this earthly realm “too soon”; amazed if they “make it” past ninety. Especially if they still “look good.”

Then, there’s Betty White, Dick Van Dyke, Ruth Bader-Ginsburg and President Jimmy Carter. They never let preconceived notions about age limit or restrain them. They broke through glass ceilings and did so without making a fuss or having repetitive facelifts (well, maybe Betty did?). They wore age proudly, gracefully and with dignity, continuing to fulfill their life purpose no matter what number their personal timetable reached.

As a child, I remember my mother making condescending jokes about women ‘of a certain age’ wearing short skirts or donning long hair (both grey or dyed). Right then, I made a personal pledge to wear whatever wild clothing I felt good in and to never cut my hair to an 'age-appropriate' style.

Not fitting into an age-defined role is inspiring. Like Betty, Dick, Ruth and Jimmy, it’s important to embrace the passage of time and celebrate your expanding aliveness. Cherish your ever-growing curiosity and allow yourself to express with full authenticity.

Remind yourself that, as a spirit temporarily inhabiting a physical body, there is no fear of getting old no matter how many yesterdays there were. In fact, the more time spent on this planet the better – more lessons learned, more transgressions cleaned up, more purposes fulfilled. And more joy experienced.

Spirits are like that. And that takes as long as it takes, lifetimes, until you get it “right.”

The Big Lesson

One of my birthday month rituals is scanning back through my life. I think about regrets. I ask myself, if I were to die tomorrow, what regrets would push me to come back and ‘do it right’? (of course, I believe in reincarnation)

I know for sure, not keeping my house immaculate will not be something I regret. Or not owning a fancy car. Or looking simply fab in a bikini.

The Big Regret would be not being completely present. “Being here now,” as Ram Das brilliantly reminded. It’s one of those Big Life Lessons we are all here to learn.

Life is expert at reminding us that each moment is fleeting and all that exists is Now. Anyone who has gone through a trauma, a disaster, a sudden loss knows that all too well.

That got clear to me when, ten years ago, my extremely healthy husband experienced a very surprising stroke and nearly died.

Talk about being kicked into the present moment in the blink of an eye!

That experience woke me up like nothing else had. It inspired me toward more presence in all areas of my life, quickly recognizing when I’m not. Sadly, we don’t often realize when we aren’t being present until something dramatic wakes us up.

But am I being present for myself?

Am I fully experiencing whatever I’m doing while I’m doing it?

Or am I zoning out as I multi-task, concerned about the future, living in the past, worrying about what people think? Was I texting a friend so I didn’t even taste that yummy dinner I was gulping down? Was I thinking about work and only half watching that movie? Was I panicking about the scheduled morning meeting so I downed a few margaritas? Was my stomach tightening as I read the news?

Looking back to when my son was little, I was rarely 100% present with him. The responsibilities of being a mother were terrifying, leading me by the nose so I rarely enjoyed that time in the moment. Sadly, I can hardly remember his first few years. As an adult, he tells me things he remembers, and I look at him blankly, thinking was I there?

But being present is easier said than done. Far too easy to get pulled away by so many stimulations, deadlines, fears, insecurities, and triggers.

What Does it Mean to be Present?

Being present means you are focused and engaged in the moment, not distracted or mentally absent. It’s recognizing your thoughts and emotions but not getting lost in them. It’s finding a balance between looking toward the future and pondering the past, not getting stuck obsessing about either. It’s noticing you’re wishing you were doing something else, being somewhere else, consciously shifting your attention to the moment.

All of the above is another way of saying you are aware when you are triggered.

Triggering pulls you into the dictates of a false belief, a fear, or unresolved guilt from your past. Being present is recognizing and acknowledging when that happens, feeling your emotions quickly determining what was triggered. Simultaneously not allowing those buttons to pull you out of present time.

The key is being connected, present, within yourself. Only then can you connect with what’s going on around you. It allows you to see the details of your existence and ensures that you won’t miss anything. Especially your life.

Present Happiness

Even though your primitive, fear-based consciousness believes otherwise, being present makes you a happier, safer human. It does the same for those you are present with since, bottom line, that’s what they want from you.

That’s what everyone wants whether they know it or not. “Be here now… with me”. Or as The Who said: “See me, feel me, touch me, heal me.”

Awareness of the present moment helps you navigate and ground yourself in this ever-changing and often turbulent life. It’s one of your Superpowers, an important lesson to learn and re-learn in this physical realm.

Commit to be present doing what you came here to do. As I do every year, I re-commit to my purpose, to continue writing, teaching and podcasting until the Universe has other plans for me.

Choose to believe that age is just a number and not a barrier.

Remind yourself that you are an ageless spirit, fully present in this body.

You deserve not to look back over your life thinking, where was I?

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